The role of self-denial is a difficult topic to get a handle on. Part of that may be that we do not want to get a handle on it because we do not want to do it. So much of our human nature and cultural values are focused on self-fulfillment, not self-denial. I am still wrestling with the question from my last blog, Are we trying to be disciples of Jesus without embracing self-denial? And if so, how do we go about doing that?

One thought is that we do it through a Christianity that identifies certain boundaries to our pursuit of self-fulfillment that are off limits to us as disciples. These are behaviors that the world may engage in, but disciples of Christ refrain from those behaviors. And as long as we remain within those boundaries, we are free to pursue self-fulfillment according to the means that we have at our disposal to achieve it. What we deny ourselves is behavior that we believe is ultimately bad for us and not fulfilling anyway. And we will allow behaviors that others might consider off limits if we believe that they are not in fact ultimately bad for us but are valuable for human fulfillment. Is this really the kind of self-denial Jesus is talking about?

Probably not if the example that He confronts people with is love for their family. There is nothing sinful about loving your family. And to hate your family was to give up something that was considered necessary for human fulfillment, and that was even more true in the first century than it is now. Do we have ears to hear a call to deny ourselves that which we believe is necessary for our human fulfillment? Are we able to accept that level of self-denial as a necessary part of following Jesus? Not easily, especially in a culture that puts such an emphasis on personal fulfillment.

An example that comes to mind of a deep level of self-denial is Christians who find themselves attracted to the same sex yet remain committed to a traditional sexual ethic. Regardless of your position on this controversial issue, I think we can all agree that this requires a significant degree of self-denial. In today’s Western culture, sexuality is viewed as so core to personal identity and fulfillment that it seems cruel to deny someone the ability to express their sexuality in a marriage relationship. Isn’t this too much self-denial to accept as a part of healthy Christian discipleship? It can sure seem that way to us. But, how deep of a level of self-denial was Jesus’ call to hate your family for the first century Jew? What if forms of self-denial that are this significant are what we are called to as disciples of Jesus?

If that is the case, then these particular Christians, who deny themselves by remaining committed to a traditional sexual ethic, need a church that is able to support them in taking up their cross. And in that process, the church can learn from them about this aspect of following Jesus. And if our reluctance to embrace this aspect of following Jesus is a reason for the lack of Christlikeness among us, then these Christians become that much more valuable for the body of Christ in our day. Sam Allberry is an example of this in the following quote from Is God Anti-Gay?.

“Ever since I have been open about my own experiences of homosexuality, a number of Christians have said something like this: “the gospel must be harder for you than it is for me”, as though I have more to give up than they do. But the fact is that the gospel demands everything of all of us. If someone thinks the gospel has somehow slotted into their life quite easily, without causing any major adjustments to their lifestyle or aspirations, it is likely that they have not really started following Jesus at all.”

I hesitated to bring up this example because it is so controversial. But it really is the best example of significant self-denial that came to mind. One important point about the different camps on this issue. I am not saying that heterosexual Christians that remain committed to a traditional sexual ethic are therefore embracing self-denial as an essential part of discipleship more than Christians who have adopted a view that Christian gay marriage should be allowed. I will explain that next week.

I would love to connect with you about these posts if they have stirred any thoughts or questions. Take a minute, shoot me an email at bo@leavenedlives.org, and let’s see where that takes us.